Most people probably do not think of divorce in terms of being a ‘success’ and may wonder, “Doesn’t divorce imply failure?” While your marriage may not have worked out, you have choices about how you divorce. While divorce can be extremely stressful, emotionally difficult and a life changer, there are ways to get through it with your dignity and finances intact. And in fact, even with your family intact. Of course the structure of your family will change, but your children will always be your children, and your co-parent will always be your co-parent.
As a Divorce Coach, my clients develop a concept for their divorce. They develop the skills necessary to think about the process of how they divorce. And that includes the ability to keep your end goal in mind and to have a vision for what things will look like down the road. The question is…” What do you want your life to look like in one year from now, or two years from now? What will your relationship look like with your children and your co-parent and… how will you or your children be emotionally?”
An important role of the coach, and vital to the client’s success, is to provide the opportunity for clients to be heard emotionally and emotionally felt. Divorce is a loss of hopes and dreams. Often, the feelings of loss are a similar to losing a loved one. Coping with the loss while keeping the process of the divorce in mind may feel overwhelming at times.
So, when clients come to me, not only do we debrief their trauma, we find ways to help them regulate their difficult emotions. They learn how to communicate better with their soon to be ex-spouse. Clients learn ways to tolerate distress, because divorce and child custody disputes are extremely distressful… and clients learn how to ask for what they need in a way that will be heard by other people.
Clients need to make sense of what’s happening and that takes time. As a Divorce Coach, an important aspect is to help clients develop a lens for how they see things, because; if you see things differently, you will feel differently. Our thoughts impact our feelings and therefore our behavior… and this is something we can control, which is good news… clients going through a divorce need empowerment and need to feel control over their lives.
Recently, a client told me she was upset because she has to start over… but divorce does not have to mean starting over; you are not the same person you were…you have lived life, maybe had children, and grown as an individual … it is taking a different path in life, but you get to choose that path. How you view your divorce and your circumstances will have a long lasting impact on you, your children, your co-parent, and on your extended family and friends. A Divorce Coach is a resource for support to keep you focused and to remind you; you have choices in this process.